God is Love - Love is Present

Of all the words written in scripture, John's first letter sums up revelation from the very beginning to here and now.  "Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.  Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love."  The phrase is so overused we hardly know how to live inside its truth - and its truth is Jesus Christ.  So we try talking in endless circles of avoidance, or we try not using the name of Jesus and say it's better to live it than to talk about it, but there is no avoiding this truth:  Jesus is love.

I ask myself today, and I will ask everyday, "am I love?", or "does anyone see Jesus in me?"  or again, "How am I love?"  Am I willing to feed the hungry thousands as Jesus did at the borders of nowhere, enter into their suffering, speak on their behalf, stand in their defense against mindless violence?

On Frontline this evening, I watched as immigrants, refugees, pregnant women, young babies and children were held as prisoners in squalid, standing room only, unconscionable conditions reminiscent of concentration camps.  They were held this way for days on end, when what they hoped for was to claim asylum for their families from violence and poverty in central America.  Children taken from parents and held in like manner...all happening in the city of El Paso and the town of Clint, TX, on the orders of the Trump administration.  Vigils and protests from good people of El Paso and Clint, and senate hearings very slowly changed the course of action, but not all is yet resolved.  There is a sleepiness in us, slow to act, and reminiscent of the early days before WWII.  (watch Frontline:  Targeting El Paso)

Now, it seems we do stand on the brink of war.  There is no coherence between love and war.  If there was the story of Jesus' life would have ended very differently.  How does love act?  He, she, you or me, gathers people together, teaches in deserted places, feeds the hungry thousands, heals disease and divisions, fasts, plans vigils for peace, and protests against violence.  Love prays in the public squares, in the churches,  in the streets and most importantly in the places where violence is happening.  Love is present.  Love witnesses to these things and holds fast to the truth regardless of the consequences.

My prayer is to live more deeply in union with Love - my prayer is for all of us to live more deeply in union with Love, to make love present and living, especially where there is suffering in our world.  The time is now, the Source is Love, and with love all things are possible.

 

A Glimpse of Faith Without Fear

I woke up this morning with the Australian people, animals and the whole of the land surrounded by ocean on my mind. I have a nephew with his family who moved to Perth in the fall of 2019.  As far as I know and understand, they are safe.  However, there are many more who are not.  And so, I spent the early morning hours in solidarity with them all, in quiet prayer.  As I did, a joyous, spacious, patient peace filled my heart; my being.  Quite different from the usual anxious waiting in prayer, this time brought a sense of assurance and calm in the midst of a fiery fury down under.  Is this what it was like for Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego?  Faith without fear?

Shortly after, I was looking at Facebook and a woman posted a picture she took of the sun in the sky where the top half was black and the bottom half was red – apparently looking exactly like the symbol for the Australian indigenous flag.  She saw it as a sign of favor, posted it and had thousands of hits and likes in a very short time.  

Hope comes like a wisp of smoke rising from incense or from sweet-grass.  It comes unbidden, unexpected, and grants us a stunning sound of laughter in the face of danger.  Not the mocking kind…but the otherworldly, trusting, peace-able kind.  And it doesn’t take away from our responsibility to mitigate the effects of climate change, to turn ourselves around for earth’s and nature’s sake.  It reminds us a greater Divine Heart is at the Source of all that’s going on in our world– a Mother loving her creation into maturity; loving us into maturity.

Where His Glance Falls

"Today, in a moment of trial, I rediscovered Jesus, or perhaps discovered Him for the first time...His eyes, which are the eyes of Truth, are fixed upon my heart.  Where His glance falls, there is peace:  for the light of His face, which is the Truth, produces truth wherever it shines.  His eyes are always on us in choir and everywhere and in all times.  No grace comes to us from heaven except He looks upon our hearts."   Thomas Merton, Journal, 1950 (excerpt taken from Give Us This Day, January 4, 2020)

Yesterday, I was in a day of trial.  I went to visit my spiritual guide and one phrase he said to me stood out, "You don't need to explain."  We don't need to explain our trials or ourselves.  We only need to surrender them to Jesus.  Merton doesn't explain his trial and we don't need to speculate.  His trial is like ours...it is the universal human struggle. 

Like Merton, I repeatedly experience the gaze of Jesus as a true river of peace flowing within.  Only he calms the storms and only he shows us the truth in any given situation...and the glance of his truth is usually about ourselves.  It is a grace of growing in self-awareness that teaches us to trust like children in his presence for his goodness to wash over the whole of our planet in peril, cleanse it and make it whole.  His truth is hope.

When Pilate and Jesus meet on the journey towards Christ's crucifixion, and Pilate asks him, "What is truth?", he is actively avoiding Jesus' gaze and resisting surrendering himself to the Source of peace, love, mercy, healing and goodness for our world.  To avoid his gaze is to stay in the misery of half-truths, complaining self-pity, and grasping at things that give no joy.  We know this because we've all had a glimpse, if not more, of Pilate's way of being. We only know the truth when we know Jesus....and that truth is Mercy, and freedom of heart.

Mothering Christ Into a New Year

January 1, 2020

I am beginning this blog on the suggestion of a friend.  Year's ago now, I started one, but I was so heartbroken by so many things, I didn't have the hope or the inspiration needed to continue writing.  What's changed?  I continued writing by journaling as a practice for waking up to myself and to life, and I slowly found my way back into faith practices I had given up.  I've changed from being skeptical, critical, angry and despairing to recovering faith, joy and bounce (or flexibility and breadth of soul) back into my life.  I've grieved and continue to grieve well in this process of recovery.  I've forgiven, learned patience and trust in hope for the long haul...including with myself. 

I am a baptized Roman Catholic.  It's taken me many years to come into my own understanding and appreciation for my faith tradition while expanding my heart to better love people of all or no faith tradition.  I'm not fully there yet.  As one of my mentors wrote as the title of his book,  "Still Green and Growing", I see myself as still green and growing. I've had great mentors, but maybe it's time to add my own voice to the world...as I tentatively seek to share wisdom old and new from life experience and faith.

Today, at the beginning of a new year - a new chapter for our broken, fragile, beautiful world and planet - is traditionally known as the feast of Mary, Mother of God.  I am a mother and grandmother.  I know the struggles, pain, and humiliations of raising up children to see and humbly share their full, unique, dignity and responsibilities in the world.  I take up the mantle with Mary today and with this good, mother earth, and commit myself to mothering Christ her son into every encounter, every moment, every relationship of this coming year.  It seems daunting and I know it is...but why not aim for the stars? I trust in the quiet, hidden Presence of Christ in all things, and in the power of a Mother, especially his mother with me to give birth to the freshness, joy and pure goodness of a child ...a child who lost none of that freshness, joy and goodness in becoming a man, so why not trust him to heal and redeem my life?  I want to give birth in my way to this child grown into a man - Jesus the Word made flesh - with our tired, weary, troubled world.  God bless my words and make it so.  May whoever reads these words be raised up out of darkness, heaviness, and troubles, as I've been through the years. May whoever reads these words find in them healing, blessing and courage to love extravagantly and live simply for love's sake.

Showing Up and Letting Go

January 2, 2020

"Simply I learned about Wisdom, and ungrudgingly do I share - her riches I do not hide away;...those who gain this treasure win the friendship of God, to whom the gifts they have from discipline commend them." Wisdom 7:13-14

Today, I showed up and I let go.  These are the two disciplines I know that work to undo frustrations, impatience, anxiety, fear, worry.  I wake up and show up to pray, honing my listening and letting go of thoughts and desires.  I show up in silence and wonder.  When I walk to work (today I didn't) I soak in the silence of nature.  Creation really is the first word or scriptures we have. The dormant trees, holding their own through the cold of winter teach me what I need to learn.  A long patience for the season to turn and for the light and warmth to return; faith and trust that a new season is around the corner.  

I'm getting used to flowing with the surprises and unexpected twists and turns of each day.  They dismantle everything I think I know about life and about myself.  Teachers are everywhere!  One of the furnaces is broken and there's no heat in one of the rooms. I've had people in to fix it twice before but still, it breaks down.  I need a new furnace.  I have rooms inside of me where the furnace is broken and the rooms are cold.  I turn to people to fix the cold rooms, only to realize, I do need a new furnace...new heat blowing through cold rooms.  There's only one real Source for new heart and heat.  I meet him in the script of the Word and Creation.  And yes, I do need people to come and fix or replace the furnace.  (For now, I hope it only needs a fix.)

I met with someone who is making a journey of contemplative prayer with scripture following the Ignatian exercises for daily life, or the 19th Annotation.  I accompany her, but today she teaches me about the unsung hero who is Joseph.  Mary's Joseph that is.  She reflects on how he didn't sign up for the twists and turns that show up in his life - i.e. Mary getting pregnant before he has a chance to marry her; getting stuck in Bethlehem with a wife in labor and no room anywhere to take them in; having dreams that tell him in his gut he needs to leave and go to Egypt with his new family; moving to Egypt and settling only to have it revealed to him he needs to return.  Joseph, she muses, shows up and lets go of whatever his needs and wants are.  He shows up, listens, and lets go to follow the way of love.  Am I listening?  Deeply enough? 

I confess I prefer journaling to blogging. But I will show up, let go and listen.  One day at a time.

Ritual Blessing

This evening after supper, I walked with my backpack to see my mom on the eve of her birthday, and of my leaving for the journey.  Left at 7:05pm.  The weather was perfect...a still summer evening at 21 or 22 degrees celcius.  The pack is comfortable, weighing in at about 17 or 18 lbs. 

I walked by young teens. A boy with a Jimmy Dean retro hair look, saying to the beautiful young lady with the long blond hair, "I just don't think you'll be happy with that guy." Innocent yet perceptive enough looking faces, and her with a look that said, "that's what you want to think." 

I walked by the skateboard park with ten or so young men showing their stuff.  Fearless fun.  A few turned to look a the strange lady carrying the backpack in the middle of the city.  I smiled. 

Walked past bikers and other walkers...a young couple with their beautiful two or three year old boy, walking on either side of him, holding his arms and swinging him as they walked. 

Got to mom's at 8:15 (4.6 km.).  Had to phone the nursing station to get into her apartment.  She couldn't get up to get the door open.  The nurse kindly obliged.  I was happy to see mom, even at so late an hour for her.  I think she was happy to see me too.  I asked her to bless my pack and me...she did with the usual vigour in her voice when she prays...in this case a ritual blessing prayer.  Mom prays with conviction, intensity and spirit.  I feel it go over me like an electric pulse.  She thinks she's old, but she's got spark and fire in her voice when she prays.

She was sad I wouldn't be there for her birthday.  "When will you be back?" she asks.  "I'm back on Sept. 9th" I say.  "I might be gone by then."  "yes mom...you might be.  and you might not be."  I might be, I think to myself.  "I know" she says.  "Don't know why the Lord's keeping me here so long." This is a ritual and regular conversation we have.  Big kiss and hug, a goodbye and I'm back on the road.

I left at 8:40pm and got back home by 9:40pm.  Good time.  I felt light and richly blessed.  The evening was lovely...even walking in the dark for the last 1/2 km or more.  9.2 km. up and down the hills of St. Albert.  I can do this.  Thank God.  Feet hurt a bit, but I will do this.  Long plane ride tomorrow.  Will read the book, Rosie's Project on the plane.  (will not carry it on my back.)  Good night beautiful people, beautiful planet. 

In a few days, I leave for Europe.  I'll be walking the way of St. James, or the Compostella de Santiago as it is known, with friends, from September 21st through to September 5th to my intended destination of Burgos, Spain.  I will take on the other half of the pilgrimage another time hopefully.  For now, I'm excited to be going for a little less than half of the way.

For friends and family, this will be my way of communicating with you.  If other life travellers join in for a view, it's a joy and privilege to share...welcome.

For me, this is an opportunity to reflect on my life so far, which unlike the journey I'll be walking is a little more than half complete.  How much of my journey has been the unfolding of a gift for others?  Has my life grown into a larger, wider communion with others in community?  Have I lived mostly for myself or for others and how? 

I am a woman of faith and so I will be praying these questions, and seeking to see the truth in myself, and to ask for what I need to continue the journey.  Mostly, I'll be letting go and trusting God to do what needs doing in me.  Less about words; more about surrender, trust, and humility. 

I won't be answering those questions here!  But I will share them.  Maybe someone else wants to make time during their life's journey, wherever you are, to be with the questions and behold the truth in the still silence at the center of the soul where Divine Mystery dwells.  And I will also share insights that come, stories of encounters and pictures of the journey. 

I will carry many people in my heart as I walk...people I know who are suffering with illness, or recovering from accidents, or who have gone so far from their true road in life, they have lost significant and important parts of themselves.  Love, mercy and healing are on the road too...walking...endlessly moving, like a force of energy that blows where it will. 

Hope to meet you on the road!