Showing Up and Letting Go

January 2, 2020

"Simply I learned about Wisdom, and ungrudgingly do I share - her riches I do not hide away;...those who gain this treasure win the friendship of God, to whom the gifts they have from discipline commend them." Wisdom 7:13-14

Today, I showed up and I let go.  These are the two disciplines I know that work to undo frustrations, impatience, anxiety, fear, worry.  I wake up and show up to pray, honing my listening and letting go of thoughts and desires.  I show up in silence and wonder.  When I walk to work (today I didn't) I soak in the silence of nature.  Creation really is the first word or scriptures we have. The dormant trees, holding their own through the cold of winter teach me what I need to learn.  A long patience for the season to turn and for the light and warmth to return; faith and trust that a new season is around the corner.  

I'm getting used to flowing with the surprises and unexpected twists and turns of each day.  They dismantle everything I think I know about life and about myself.  Teachers are everywhere!  One of the furnaces is broken and there's no heat in one of the rooms. I've had people in to fix it twice before but still, it breaks down.  I need a new furnace.  I have rooms inside of me where the furnace is broken and the rooms are cold.  I turn to people to fix the cold rooms, only to realize, I do need a new furnace...new heat blowing through cold rooms.  There's only one real Source for new heart and heat.  I meet him in the script of the Word and Creation.  And yes, I do need people to come and fix or replace the furnace.  (For now, I hope it only needs a fix.)

I met with someone who is making a journey of contemplative prayer with scripture following the Ignatian exercises for daily life, or the 19th Annotation.  I accompany her, but today she teaches me about the unsung hero who is Joseph.  Mary's Joseph that is.  She reflects on how he didn't sign up for the twists and turns that show up in his life - i.e. Mary getting pregnant before he has a chance to marry her; getting stuck in Bethlehem with a wife in labor and no room anywhere to take them in; having dreams that tell him in his gut he needs to leave and go to Egypt with his new family; moving to Egypt and settling only to have it revealed to him he needs to return.  Joseph, she muses, shows up and lets go of whatever his needs and wants are.  He shows up, listens, and lets go to follow the way of love.  Am I listening?  Deeply enough? 

I confess I prefer journaling to blogging. But I will show up, let go and listen.  One day at a time.